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एक आदमी के पास एक मुर्गा होता है....
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एक बार वो आदमी बहुत बीमार पड़ गया....
कई दिन तक ठीक नहीं हुआ...
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एक दिन मुर्गा खिड़की पर बैठा था....उसने देखा वो आदमी बिस्तर पर लेटा हुआ है...
तभी उसकी पत्नी आई और आदमी के माथे पर हाथ फेरकर बोली---
तेज बुखार है अभी भी आपको ....
कितने कमजोर हो गए हो तुम....
आज मैं आपको चिकन सूप पिलाती हूँ....
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मुर्गा खिड़की से मुंडी घुसेड़ के बोला - अरे पागल.....
एक बार "क्रोसीन" दे के भी देख ले ...

पप्पु ने परीक्षा के लिए पेपर
बनाया..
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पेपर देखते ही सारे बच्चे बेहोश
हो गये
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प्रश्न कुछ इस तरह थे:
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1.चायना किस देश मेँ है ??
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2. 15 अगस्त किस तारिख
को आती है.. ??
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3. हरा रंग किस रंग
का होता है. ?
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4 टमाटर को हिँदी मेँ
क्या बोलते हैँ?
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5. मुमताज की कबर मेँ कोन दफन
हुआ.. ?
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पप्पु ने परीक्षा के लिए पेपर
बनाया..
.
.
पेपर देखते ही सारे बच्चे बेहोश
हो गये
.
.
प्रश्न कुछ इस तरह थे:
.
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1.चायना किस देश मेँ है ??
.
2. 15 अगस्त किस तारिख
को आती है.. ??
.
3. हरा रंग किस रंग
का होता है. ?
.
4 टमाटर को हिँदी मेँ
क्या बोलते हैँ?
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5. मुमताज की कबर मेँ कोन दफन
हुआ.. ?
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एक सयानी सास ने नई-नई आई बहू से पूछा –

बहू-मान लो अगर तुम पलंग पर
बैठी हो और मैं भी उस पर आकर
बैठ जाऊं तो तुम क्या करोगी ?

बहू –तो मैं उठकर सोफे पर बैठ जाऊंगी.

सास – और अगर मैं भी आकर सोफे पर बैठ

जाऊं तो क्या करोगी ?
बहू – तो मैं फर्श पर चटाई बिछाकर बैठ जाऊंगी.

सास–और अगर मैं भी चटाई पर आ जाऊं तो फिर क्या करोगी ?

बहू –तो मैं जमीन पर बैठ जाऊंगी

सास मजे लेते हुए आगे बोली – और मैं जमीन पर भी तुम्हारे बगल में बैठ गई तो क्या करोगी ?

बहू (खीझ कर ) – तो मैं जमीन में गड्ढा खोद कर उसमें बैठ जाऊंगी.

सास – और अगर मैं गड्ढे में भी आकर बैठ गई तो ?

बहू – तो मैं गड्ढे से निकलकर
ऊपर से मिट्टी डालकर तुझे वहीँ दफना दूँगी ठरकी बुढ़िया ..

 

 

 

 

 

 

योगा टीचर- क्या योग करने से आपके पति की शराब पीने की आदत पर कुछ असर पड़ा?

बबली-हां, बहुत शानदार असर पड़ा है। अब वह पूरी बोतल सिर के बल खड़े होकर एक ही सांस में पी जाते हैं!!

 

 

 

 पप्पू-मम्मी मुझे नींद नहीं आ रही, मुझे कोई कहानी सुनाओ। 

मम्मी-थोड़ी देर ठहर जा, तुम्हारे डैडी आते ही होंगे। टाइम पर घर न आने की कहानी वो जो मुझे सुनाएंगे तू भी सुन लेना

 

 

 

एक कंजूस आदमी के घर मेहमान आया.
कंजूस – “भाईसाहब, ठंडा लेंगे या गरम ?”
मेहमान – “ठंडा…”
कंजूस – “जूस या कोल्डड्रिंक ?”
मेहमान – “जूस ले लूँगा .”
कंजूस – “स्टील के गिलास में लेंगे या
कांच के गिलास में … ?”
मेहमान – “कांच के गिलास में ले आओ …”
कंजूस – “प्लेन या डिजाइन वाला ?”
मेहमान (परेशान होते हुए ) – “अरे यार, डिजाइन वाले में ही ले आओ … !”
कंजूस – “ओके, कौनसी डिजाइन पसंद है ?
लाइनों वाली या फूलों वाली ?”
मेहमान – “फूलों वाली.”
कंजूस – “कौन से फूल ? गुलाब के या चमेली के ?”
मेहमान – “गुलाब के.”
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कंजूस (अपनी बीवी से) – “लाजो, ज़रा देख तो गुलाब
के फूलों की डिजाइन वाला गिलास अपने घर में है या नहीं ?”
बीवी – “नहीं है जी …”
कंजूस (खीजते हुए ) – “ओ त्तेरी ! नहीं है ....?
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चल फिर जूस रहने दे …
भाईसाहब को मजा नहीं आएगा…. !!!

 

 

 

 

 

”Techar - सूरदास अंधे कैसे हुए.....?

Student - in doha style....

सूर गये तुलसी के घर, तुलसी दिहेन गरियाय,

धरि के चिमटा भोंकि दिये, सूर गये अंधराय....!

Techar - प्रभु आपके चरण कहा हैं.... _

 

 

 

 

 

शर्मा जी का तोता रोज पप्पू को देखता और बोलता ..
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तोता – “और गधे क्या हाल – चाल हैं ” ?
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काफी दिन ये सिलसिला चलता रहा ...
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तंग आकर पप्पू ने शर्मा जी से तोते की शिकायत कर दी , शर्मा जी ने तोते को डांटा ....
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अगले दिन जब पप्पू फिर तोते के करीब से गुजर तो तोते ने कुछ भी नही बोला ....
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थोडा आगे जाके पप्पू ने मुड के देखा .... तो तोता हंस रहा था ...
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पप्पू – “ क्यों हंस रहा है बे ” ??
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तोता – “ समझ तो तू गया होगा ही

See

Hiccup

This is a riddle. It works well if you let the students ask yes and no questions about the situation, before revealing the answer.
Q: A man goes into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun, and points it at the customer. "Thank you" replies the customer and walks out. What happened?
A: The customer had hiccups.
  (It always works - a shock as a hiccup cure appears to be an international thing.)

True Music Lover

How Do you Identify a True Music lover:

A man when hears a women is singing in the bath room , 
He puts his ear on the keyhole rather than eyes.

Longest Word

What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"

Dogs Leg

Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.

For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.

For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.

For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.

As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.

Class Room and Train

Class Room is Like a Train
1st Two Benches r Reserved For VIP . .
Nxt Two Benches r General coach
Then
Last Two Benches r Vry Demanded.
Bcz Its SLEEPER COACH :P :D

FAST FOOD

A pizza and an apple were thrown down from the 15th floor.
Which will reach down first?
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Ans:The Pizza,as it's fast food!

MBA Marketing Student

A Qualified MBA Marketing Student married a girl

After 1 year of tough life with Her,

Finally he got angry & Sent a note to his father-in-law:

“UR PRODUCT IS NOT ACCORDING 2 MY 
 REQUIREMENTS”

The smart father-in-law Replied:

1 year Warranty has been expired!

So Manufacturer is not responsible

What U See is Not Always TRUE

What U See is Not Always TRUE!!

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Lawyer

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men
along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to
stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to
eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,"
the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,
under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a
wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as
large as the limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and
said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The
grass is almost a foot high."

William

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. 

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. 

Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy." 

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

 At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."  

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. 

She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay.

 William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.." 

"Thanks," said the grandfather, 

"but I'm William .......the little sh*t's name is Kevin."  :-))))))))

Best Friend

Do Men Remember Anniversaries?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, 'Had I gone with second option, I would have been released today.' 

The 5-Minute Management Course

The 5-Minute Management Course

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity..

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when

they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas ,  driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff!   She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
lunch.'

Moral of the  story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle  answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some  dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

7 Secrets of success

Roof said: Aim high
Fan said: Be cool
Clock said: Every minute is precious
Mirror said: Reflect before you act
Window said: See the world
Calendar said: Be up-to-date
Door said: Push hard to achieve your goals.

Sibling Property Rules

FURTHER STUDIES

Once at airport  one person who was going abroad  was asked to put his signature, " then he told he cannot sign he wanted to put thumb print". After putting the thumb print people asked him why are you going abroad ," He simply replied " "I am going abroad for further studies".