Showing posts with label funny jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny jokes. Show all posts

Thursday, November 30, 2017

NEW JOKES

*बीबी*– हाय राम आपके सर से खून क्यों निकल 
रहा है ??
*पति* –  मेरे दोस्त ने ईंट मार दी..

*बीबी* – आप भी मार देते , आपके हाथ में कुछ नहीं था क्या ??
.
.
*पति* -था , मेरे हाथ में उसकी बीवी का हाथ था...

फिर क्या , बीबी ने २ ईंट और मार दी !!!!
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 पप्पू☺पुलिस स्टेशन आया... 
.  और बोला: मुझे अर्रेस्ट 🙃कर लो...
मैंने अपनी 🤓पत्नी के सर
.     पर डंडा मारा है...🙄
.       पुलिस: क्या वो🤔 मर गई...
पप्पू🤑: नहीं वो तो बच गई....
.     अब मेरी😝 खैर नहीं॥...
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 वाइफ : आपको अरेंज मैरिज और लव
मैरिज का मतलब पता हैं?


हस्बैंड: हाँ पता हैं !!!

अरेंज मैरिज : आप जब चल रहे हो तभी
अचानक से आपको सांप काट ले ये, अरेंज
मैरिज हैं |

और

लव मैरिज : आप सांप खोजते हैं और उसके
सामने नाच-नाच के कहते हैं ले काट ले – ले
काट ले, लव मैरिज हैं |😃
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 चेला : गुरुजी, मोहब्बत क्या है?

गुरु : समर्पण

चेला : फिर विवाह क्या है?

गुरु : आत्मसमर्पण 
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Friday, February 24, 2017

JOKE ON BIRTHDAY




It was Kalpesh's birthday. Suresh changed the group's name from
.
*"Friends"*
.
to *"Happy birthday Kalpesh"*
.
.
.
Suresh - Happy bday Kalpesh🎊🎉

Raju - Happy bday Kalpesh🎈💰🎄

Ganesh - Happy bday Kalpesh🍻🍸🍤

Rohit - Happy bday Kalpesh🎊🍕🍔

Sagar - Happy bday Kalpesh 🍜🍖🍗🍻
.
.
.
Neha - HB
.
.
.
Rahul: Happy Birthday Kalpesh 🍖🍖🍰🍰

Yogesh: Happy B Kalpesh 🍫🎁

Pintu : Happy Birthday Kalpesh

Jitendra: Happy Birthday Kalpesh ♨🎊🍰
/
/
/
/
/
/
/
/
/
/
Kalpesh - Thanks Neha..😊😊

😂😂😂😂😝😝😝

Suresh changed the group name to
*"Kutta Kalpesh"*
.

.

SWEET ORDER ON MOBILE


आजकल एक नया चलन शुरू हुआ है, घर बैठे मोबाईल से बुक कराके कुछ भी मंगा लो...।

एक सरदार ने सलामत स्वीट्स को फ़ोन लगाया...

tring tring..

सलामत स्वीट्स मे आपका स्वागत है,
कहिए क्या चाहिए.?"

सरदार बोला"मिठाई चाहिए।"

"लड्डू के लिए एक दबाए,
रसगुल्ला के लिए दो दबाए,
काजू कतली के लिए तीन दबाए,
गुलाब जामुन के लिए चार दबाए,
मलाई पेड़े के लिए...."

सरदार बोला मुझे लड्डू चाहिए थे,
मैंने एक दबाया,

"बूंदी के लिए एक दबाए,
मोतीचूर के लिए दो दबाए,
मगज के लिए तीन दबाए,
सोंठ के लिए चार......"

सरदार ने दो दबाया.....
मोतीचूर चाहिए।

एक किलो के लिए एक दबाए,
पाँच किलो के लिए दो दबाए,
एक क्विंटल के लिए तीन दबाए..."

गलती से तीसरा बटन दब गया।

डर के मारे सरदार ने फोन काट दिया ।

पर अगले ही पल फ़ोन आया -
"आपसे एक क्विंटल मोतीचूर के लड्डू का आर्डर मिला है,
अपना एड्रेस बताए।"

सरदार बोला - "मैंने तो कोई फोन नहीँ किया है ।"

"आपके भाई ने किया होगा
इसी नंबर से था..
अपने भाई को फ़ोन दीजिए।"

सरदार बोला -
"हम लोग छः भाई हैं,

बड़े से बात के लिए एक दबाए,
उससे छोटे के लिए दो दबाए,
उससे छोटे के लिए तीन दबाए,
उससे छोटे के लिए चार...."

सामने वाले ने फ़ोन काट दिया।

Bolo Tara Rara 😜😜😜😝😝😝

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Art of Chilling

Wife saw the fridge full of Kingfisher beer bottles kept by husband....
She asked :-" What is this for" ?
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
Husband's Humble Answer :- "I am doing what the Bank and Govt. could not do...... freezing the Property   of Mr. VIJAY MALLYA , (LIQUOR KING)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            





















































































































                                       

Dieting

Wife and I started Dieting.

One day she said we could have a Cheat day Today.

She brought home KFC & I brought home my GF

Women are sooo tough to understand !!!!!!!!!

Sunday, October 25, 2015

JOKE

जाटों की लुगाईयोँ को अंग्रेँजी सीखाने मास्टरजी आईं
मास्टरजी ने सिखाना शुरू  किया
A फार APPLE

B  फार  Boy

पर  जाटों की लुगाइयों को सिखाना इतना आसान नहीं था !
फिर मास्टरजी ने एक नया तरीका निकला ,

A  फार  अमरपाल की बहु ,
 -
-
-
B  फार  बलवंत की बहु
 -
-
-
-
O फार  ओंकार की बहु
-
-
-
Z  फार जमींदार की बहु

फिर अच्छी  तरह रटवाया  गया          
और फिर टेस्ट हुऑ

प्रश्न    था  Q  फार ?........    

ताई  कंफ्यूज ,

बोली - दिख्खे तो ओंकार   चंद  की बहु  सै , पर मुहँ में बीड़ी  क्यों लगा  रक्खा है   !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!     

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Boss in office : Okay guys, today we are going to play a game ................

When I say a name of the fruit , you run to left side of the hall .....

And when I say any color, you run to the left of the hall....

One who runs on wrong side will not get the increment !!!!!!!!!!!!

Got It ?  Every body ready .............

Employees : Yes Boss, Got it !

Boss : Okay ..... Ready, Set .................

..................." ORANGE " !!

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Monday, August 5, 2013

Boss's Gift to Secratory

Secretary got an expensive pen as a gift from her boss.

She sent him a Thank you note on email.

Bosses wife read the mail and filed a divorce in court.

The mail says:

"Your penis wonderful. I enjoyed using it last night.

It has extra ordinary smooth flow, and a firm stroke.

Initially its tip was to be licked to bring to working order &
it is equally good on both sides.

I loved its perfect size and grip. Felt like I was in heaven when using it.

I've always desired it and you fulfilled my wish.

At last it is mine and mine for ever.

Thanks a lot"
.
.
.
.
.
Moral: space is an essential part in English and married life too..

Khush kismat insaan

Phoolwala:"Sahab apni gf ke liye phool
le lo..
.
Boy:"Meri gf nahi hai..
.
Phoolwala:"To mangetar ke liye le lo..
.
Boy:"Meri mangetar nahi hai..
.
Phoolwala:"To biwi ke liye hi le lo..
.
Boy:" Meri biwi bhi nahi hai..
.
.
.
.
.
.
Phoolwala:"Aye duniya ke khush
kismat insaan meri taraf se ye phool
free me le le..

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Plane Travel with good looking girl

A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane......

The lady said to him ' Can you help me remove something from my breast please?

The exciting young man replied, 'Wow! It will be my pleasure....... So what is it?

"Your Eyes, idiot!"

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

File Transfer

1 girl went 2 electronics shop with anger & threw her new laptop on the desk at person from whom she bought.
She told the salesman tat u hv cheated me. I cannot transfer file from my previous laptop...

Salesman: Madam, can u pls try in front of me?

This is what she did:

1)Right clicked d mouse on d file, selected CUT option.

2)Disconnected d mouse.

3)Took tat mouse carefully & connected 2 d new laptop
4)Right clicked d mouse & selected PASTE option. Salesman DIED!!!

Sanskriti

Ladka aur Ladki ped k peeche baith kar ISHQ lada rahe the.
.
.
.
Ek buddha aadmi dekh k paas aaya aur bola : Bete, Kya Ye Hamari Sanskriti hai ?
.
.
.
.
.

Boy: Nahi uncle! ye hamare mohhalle ki Pallavi hai,
Aap Dusre Ped ke Peeche Check Karo !!

ALL MEN ARE SAME


"A GIRL who says "all MEN are the SAME" should be asked who the hell told HER to try ALL OF  THEM  "

Monday, April 15, 2013

Awesome Answers

Awesome Answers In IAS Examination

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q. If it took eight men ten hours to builda wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC23rd Rank Opted for IFS)

Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?

A. Very large hands. (Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

A. you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days withoutsleep?

A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the bluesea what it will become?

A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple ?

A: The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?

A: Dinner.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?

A: Liquid (UPSC 33 Rank)

BIWI

Duniya ki best "MAA" to har
bete ke paas hoti hai,
.
.
.
.
Lekin pata nahi duniya ki best
"BIWI"
Padosi ke paas hi kyu hoti
hai.. ??

Indian Engineers

"Once in a soap industry in
Japan,
.
The soap cover was mistakenly
packed without soap in it
i.e empty box. To avoid the
problem in the
future
Engineers purchased X-Ray
machine of 60 thousand dollars
to check whether soap is Packed
in every cover
or not in assembly
line.
Same problem occurred in
India..
What did they do?
Indian Engineers simply put a
fan beside d assembly
line&Empty
boxes were flown away!
.
India Rocks :)"

Engineering Student

Prove that 2/10=2

Commerce student:
Wrong question.

Medical student:
No Way.

Professor:
It's strange, how is it possible?

Engineering Student:
Two/Ten
=wo/en
(T with T cancel)
w = 23rd letter
o = 15th letter
e = 5th letter
n = 14th letter
So,
23+15 / 5+14
= 38 / 19
= 2

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