ear condom

Q: Why did the man put condoms on his ears during sex?

A: He didn't want to get hearing aids.
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coma

Mr. Smith's wife has been in a coma for four months. The nurses have come to realise that she moves every time they wash her crotch area. The doctors think hard about this. They bring in Mr. Smith and say that they have a good idea. Perhaps if he practices oral sex with her she will wake out of the coma. Mr. Smith would do anything so he asks for some privacy. He soon rushes out saying, ''I think she's choking!"

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Did you hear about ...?

Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw?

Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard (herd)?

If you don't understand these, use your dictionary and look up the words "blind," "deaf," "saw," "heard" and "herd."

computer skills!

This ought to make you feel better about  your computer skills!   Tech  support:    What kind of computer do you have? Customer:    A  white one... Tech  support:    Click  on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer:    Your left or my left? ****************************   Customer:    Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find  printer'.  I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.. ****************************   Tech  support:    What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer:    A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11. **************************** Customer:   My keyboard  is not working anymore. Tech  support:   Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer:   No. I can't  get behind the computer. Tech  support:    Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: !   OK Tech support:   Did the  keyboard come with you? Customer:  Yes Tech support:   That means the keyboard  is not plugged in. **************************** Customer:   I can't get on the Internet. Tech support:    Are you sure you used the right password? Customer:   Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech  support:    Can you tell me what the password was? Customer:   Five dots. **************************** Tech  support:    What  anti-virus program do you use? Customer:   Netscape. Tech support:   That's not an anti-virus program. Customer:   Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.. **************************** Customer:     I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. **************************** Tech support:    How may I help you? Customer:   I'm writing my first email. Tech support:    OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer:   Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it? **************************** This one and the next are our personal favorites! A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support:   Are you running it under windows? Customer:   'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.' **************************** And last but not least! Tech  support: 'Okay Bob, let's  press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program  Manager.' Customer:   I don't have a P. Tech  support:   On your keyboard, Bob. Customer:   What do you mean? Tech support:   'P'.....on  your keyboard, Bob. Customer:   I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!