Demonstration

A teacher decided to do a visual demonstration in a class. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the class, the teacher reported the following results: "The first worm in alcohol - dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke - dead. Third worm in chocolate syrup - dead. Fourth worm in good clean soil - alive." So the teacher asked the class: "What can you learn from this demonstration?" A little Jim in the back quickly raised his hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms."

Two Black Eyes

A man came home from work sporting two black eyes.
"What happened to you?" asked his wife.
"I'll never understand women," he replied. "I was riding up in an escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out, and she turned around and punched me in the eye!"
"I can certainly appreciate that," said the wife, "But how did you get the second black eye?"
"Well, I figured she liked it that way," said the husband, "So I pushed it back in."

Q n A

I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in.
She said: Cheque books.


The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.


What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.


Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.


What is Nurse?
A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.


Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir. 
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.


Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!


Q: What's the difference between mother wife?
A: One woman brings you into the world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.


Banta enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. Why?
Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly. 

A tip of $1,200

A new CEO takes over at a struggling company and decides to get rid of all the slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. He can't believe this guy would just stand around on the job.

The new CEO walks up to the guy leaning against the wall and asks, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm just waiting to get paid," responds the man.

Furious, the CEO asks "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow replies, "I make about $300 a week. Why?"

The CEO quickly gets out his checkbook, hands the guy a check made out to cash for $1,200 and says, "Here's four weeks' pay, now get out and don't come back."

The man puts the check in his pocket and promptly walks out.

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what just happened here?"

From across the room comes a voice, "Yeah, you just tipped the pizza delivery guy $1,200."